See Your Enemy
A fifty year-old hippy lady gave me a gift when i was heading out for work the other day. I looked at the strange, saran-wrapped shape and felt a sort of malleable texture through holes in the plastic. After unravelling the many layers of wrap I dropped to my knees and felt the absolute power of the marvelous specimen within my hands. It was a gigantic, glowing orange mushroom of the Amanita strainbase. Having previously studied fungus during my experimental years, I was fully aware of the value and magical qualities of the rare and highly potent fungi. The cap (which was the size of my two fists combined) was decorated with multiple blue and white warts popping out of the vibrant surface. I enjaculated in my pants, thanked the hippy and ran upstairs to stash my prized possession like a squirrel would after finding a large nut. One time, I saw this squirrel jump off of my friend's roof and fly right into a brick wall. Pretty funny. I cannot emphasize enough how supreme this mushroom is compared to any other substance you will find on the streets. This mushroom has been named after a mystical Asian god and was commonly used by ancient warriors to provide brutal strength for hunting and war. Back in the day, tribes would trade one Amanita mushroom for an entire deer.

"The Koryaks believed a person drugged obeyed the wishes of spirits residing in them. Fabing (1956) and Fabing and Hawkins (1956) was convinced the Berserkers did, indeed, use fly-agaric. It is a very plausible explanation. Going berserk occurred as follows. The Norse took the mushrooms so that the effect came on during the heat of battle or while at work. During the berserk rage they performed deeds which otherwise were impossible. The rage started with shivering, chattering of the teeth, and a chill. Their faces became swollen and changed color. A great rage developed in which they howled like wild animals and cut down anyone in their way, friend or foe alike."

Sign me up! So anyway, me and a couple buddies ate some of it in my new house with a huge open spaced living room and smoked while practicing ninja kicks all night. I could smell colors and taste words, I laughed until my eyes dripped with tears, I wrote infinite scriptures across my mind and achieved the impossible. I felt as if I could wrestle a kodiak bear or eat an entire frying pan. After approximately six hours, the enlightening buzz faded and I clouded the nausea with copious amounts of cheap beer. The highlight of the evening was when Notorious Nauss kicked Murda Marshall so hard in the balls that he had to leave and go home. Fabulous. Too tired to go on. Places to go, promises to keep.